Mystery Science Theater 3000: The RiffTrax Experiments

It’s the swingin’, stingin’ 60s, so naturally a bunch of 45 year old “young people” are out to party on an island in the Florida Everglades. Because they’re extremely cool they choose to party at the house of one of their dads, a marine biologist in tiny shorts who recently suffered a prominent and upsetting head wound which has nothing to do with the plot. Watch out for amplifiers to the for’ed, kids! Their swampy island party gets broken up by a jellyfish monster, which is kind of a neat coincidence because they just happen to dance to a song about jellyfish by Neil Sedaka. That’s right, Neil Sedaka, because this shindig is whiter than Wonder Bread! Mike and the bots try not to be terrified by the monster’s obvious rubber swim fins and… whatever the heck is going on with its head! They struggle not to identify the killer immediately because, come on, it’s obviously that one guy! They start a dance craze of their own, soon to sweep the nation!

In the aftermath of the Neutron Wars, the planet is rendered a bitter wasteland. Mutants roam the countryside. Travelers fear for their lives. Lucrative olive loaf sponsorships are no more. Fortunately, not all heroes were tied up. One man has hung around: David Carradine. Of course, he shows up wearing the loiniest of loincloths, so opinions may differ whether that’s a good thing or not. David and his loincloth get abducted by the sinister Lord Zirpola and forced to compete in Deathsport. The rules are, from what we can tell: Everyone has to wear a stupid helmet. It’s understandably the most popular sport on the planet. Zirpola is suffering from “Brain Decay,” which is what happens when you forget to floss your brain between meals. Carradine sees this as a chance to escape, but he didn’t count on one thing: that Pearl would also serve up a twisted short about hygiene for high school boys. Is there no end to these post-apocalyptic horrors?!

Pearl becomes obsessed with opening a theme park, while Crow and Professor Bobo engage in a Wikipedia editing war over the comic strip Mary Worth. Presenting it as a documentary, Mike and the bots are forced to watch the execrable Mummy Theme Park, a 2000 low-budget Italian mess.

Kinda long ago, in a galaxy sorta far away, outer space looks suspiciously like a series of industrial warehouses. Sadly, no railing kills this time out, but you will get plenty of effects sequences directly lifted from Battle Beyond The Stars. This is another entry in the storied history of MST3K movies that have padded their runtime/budget by recycling footage from another film. By the way, did we mention Roger Corman produced this? A boy named Peter stows away on a (space) pirate ship after witnessing the (space) pirates murder about three dozen people. After graciously deciding not to sell him, they embark on a series of adventures (see: footage recycled from Battle Beyond The Stars) where nothing horrible happens to any of the main characters.