Do my floors have a waxy yellow buildup?
Louise Lasser
Mary Hartman
Greg Mullavey
Tom Hartman
Mary Kay Place
Loretta Haggers
Graham Jarvis
Charlie Haggers
Dody Goodman
Martha Larkin Shumway
In the fictional town of Fernwood, Ohio, suburban housewife Mary Hartman seeks the kind of domestic perfection promised by Reader’s Digest and TV commercials. Instead she finds herself suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune: mass murders, low-flying airplanes and waxy yellow buildup on her kitchen floor.
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Debralee Scott
Cathy Shumway
Victor Kilian
Raymond Larkin
Dabney Coleman
Merle Jeeter
Claudia Lamb
Heather Hartman
Marian Mercer
Wanda Rittenhouse / Wanda Jeeter
2 seasons available
Loretta delivers word that a neighborhood family was murdered; Mary and Tom have a disagreement about making love; Charlie announces he almost has enough money to get Loretta's record demo made; The Fernwood Flasher is finally captured.
Mary brings her grandfather home from the police station; Kathy falls for a blue-eyed Armenian bartender; a reporter interviews Loretta about the murders; and Mary feels ashamed when Tom rejects her sexual advances (or lack thereof).
Mary is interviewed by a reporter; Young Heather Hartman displays suspicious behavior when asked about the recent murders; Grampa Larkin is arrested again.
Grampa Larkin appears in court; Tom and Mary's drought in the bedroom continues.
Word begins to spread that Heather knows more about the Lombardi murders than she's telling; Cathy gets fired; Mary receives a threatening phone call about Heather.
Grampa Larkin visits a psychiatric social worker; Mary gets some sex books; a strange man follows Heather home from school.
Mary turns to the police after Heather confesses that she saw the killer; Loretta is arrested for picketing; Charlie stumbles on Mary's sex ed books.
Tom is furious with Mary after finding her sex books; Grampa Larkin's social worker admits that she's in love with him; Heather's story makes the evening news.
Immediately after recording her demo, Loretta begins suffering from fainting spells; Mary becomes jealous of one of Tom's coworkers; Heather escapes police protection.
Charlie tries talking sense into Tom, but Tom feels something is missing in his life. Cathy prepares for her date with Chuck. Charlie and Loretta go to the Doctor's office. Raymond goes to see Roberta and meets Fanny. Tom chats up Mae at the bar.
Tom and Heather both go missing on the same night, and so Mary can only hope that Heather is safe and that Tom was kidnapped by the mass murderer. She'd rather worry about a kidnapping than what she is really worried about.
Loretta considers not going to Nashville since Heather is missing. Mary finds out the truth about Tom. Loretta gets some good news. Cathy admits she's in love with Steve. Tom tries to finish things with Mae. Mary and Martha have a fight, while Heather returns home with disturbing news.
Cathy brings Steve over to meet her parents. Fanny is too much for Raymond. The mass murderer is revealed and Heather, Trudy, and Mary's lives are in danger.
Mary returns home with one shoe and no groceries. Tom wants to know where she's been. Loretta and Charlie are off to Nashville.
Mary tries to calm the mass murderer, while he continues to ask for demands: a car and $100,000.
The mass murderer will only give up when he gets a stack of bibles and an oath from the Reverend that the police won't follow him for 24 hours.
Sgt. Foley tries to save Mary, but to no avail. Mae and Tom try to save Mary, themselves.
The ordeal is over and everyone is relieved that Mary is safe.
Mary deals with the aftermath of her ordeal. Charlie looks after Loretta, while Mary is furious with Tom.
Mary feels that her marriage is over. Tom seeks advice from Coach Fedders, while Mary gets sociable with Sgt. Foley.
Mary visits Sgt. Foley's apartment; Charlie and Loretta pack for Nashville; Heather knows something's up, while Raymond and Roberta go on a date.
Mary returns home with one shoe and no groceries. Tom wants to know where she's been. Loretta and Charlie are off to Nashville.
Mary is served with a summons by Sergeant Foley, along with a much more personal invitation. Blanche and Leroy discuss the Hartman's problems. Grandpa has his day in court.
Tragedy strikes the Haggers in the form of a stationwagon full of nuns. Mary does her best to comfort Charlie. Neither Tom nor Mary can get any sleep.
Mary is served with a summons by Sergeant Foley, along with a much more personal invitation. Blanche and Leroy discuss the Hartman's problems. Grandpa has his day in court.
Tom has something to discuss with Mary. Tom moves in with Charlie. Loretta is sinking fast.
Mary makes a trip to the library. Martha insists that being miserable is the only key to happiness.
Tom and Mary visit the doctor. Cathy gets a new job. Charlie gets still more bad news.
Mary says Tom shouldn't go to waste. Cathy's magic fingers make their debut.
Mary says Tom shouldn't go to waste. Cathy's magic fingers make their debut.
Tom rescues Heather from a liver dinner. Loretta attempts a valiant stand. Sergeant Foley visits Mary, who threatens to call the police.
Martha is on the floor. Cathy and Steve try to help. Meet the all new, all now Roberta Walashak.
George says no to Cathy and Steve, but his words fall on deaf ears. Charlie and Loretta swap exciting news. The Shumway house is a battleground. Tom cooks his way back into Mary's heart.
Loretta and Charlie wheel their way home. Grandpa helps Roberta, who insults her way into a sale. Tom and Mary learn the wonders of Dorelda Doremus! Then the truth.
Loretta invites the Hartmans to her healing. Charlie looks for miracles of his own.
This episode is a review of the events that took place in the first thirty-five episodes.
Mary makes a discovery about Heather. The Hartmans make a parental decision. Tom and Mary get high for the Lord.
Dorelda Doremus' "healing" falls flat. George faces up to facts and says yes to Cathy and Steve. Tom and Mary reach new highs in bed.
Tom and Mary owe Heather an explanation. Loretta is still looking up. The Friendly Loan Company drops in on the Haggers. Mae stops by the Hartmans' house.
Tragedy makes strange bedfellows. Mae spends the night with Tom and Mary. Steve has something to show Cathy. Martha finds Mae in Tom's bed.
Mary keeps Mae from suicide, for the sake of her bathroom. Charlie and Loretta get a not so friendly letter. Mary and Mae have a nice woman to husband's former mistress talk.
Mary finds a match made in heaven, in her own kitchen. Roberta hopes Grandpa can forget. Mary finds new meaning in her life.
Leroy is worried sick. Mae talks to Tom about Mary. Leroy Fedders gets into his last bowl of chicken soup.
Mary's chicken soup makes the evening news. The time has come for Steve to gesture goodbye. Mary's guilt gets Leroy a Cadillac.
George gets a "visitor" and then a "surprise." The Hartmans get a call from Tom's ex's ex. George returns home in a panic.
Mary plays hostess to a funeral and eulogizes the late Leroy Fedders. Tom and Mary make plans for the hypothetical. Tom has a surprise for Mae.
Mae's reunion is a big headache for Tom and it's all Mary's fault. Loretta and Charlie get some not so friendly news. Loretta makes a spectacular comeback, in more ways than one
Charlie and Loretta face eviction at the hands of the Friendly Loan Co. Steve appears on the Johnny Tilson Show, where it's apparent that he's romancing starlet Kate Walters. Martha faints after seeing George's blackmail photos.
Mary tells Tom that it'll be 23 years before their sexual desires are synchronized again. Tom is angered by Mary's need for "something else" that she can't explain. Mary seeks answers to happiness from Grandpa Larkin who surmises she doesn't quite fit in anywhere. Mary hides under the kitchen sink. Cathy worries that she's losing Steve. Loretta has inspiration for a new song, Ballad of a Legless Woman. Mary cries and shares a lunch meat sandwich with Grandpa.
Dr. Fermin tells Loretta that she's in spontaneous remission. Charlie devises a plan to come up with money to stall eviction by selling raffle tickets for a color TV he and Loretta don't have. Martha refuses to believe George's claim that he was framed by union officials in Milwaukee. Loretta and Mary decide that Mary's "thing" is communication. Tiny catches Charlie selling raffle tickets and orders him out. When Tom intervenes, Tiny tells him to shut up or he's fired, prompting Charlie to deck Tiny who falls to the floor unconscious.
Now that Mary knows her thing is communication, she has to decide what to do with it. Tom doesn't communicate well when he tells Loretta and Mary what happened between Charlie and Tiny at the plant. Mary wishes Tom could convert the energy of anger into something sexy. George is happy he and Martha made up at 2:15 a.m. Cathy fears she's no longer good enough for Steve, and George threatens to punch his heart out. Loretta's engineer Clyde Muncie visits with news that his brother in Chicago wants to release Loretta's song as a single.
Steve reassures Cathy that starlet Kate Walters was just for publicity. Tom has to explain to Heather that he broke the rules when he's sent home from the plant over the incident between Charlie and Tiny. George isn't sympathetic to Tom's situation. At the library, Mrs. Delorean introduces Mary to sex therapist Mona McKenzie from the Lackawanda Institute
Cathy tells George and Martha that she and Steve are going to Hollywood to be married, just as Kate Walters arrives at Steve's apartment. Tom has it out with George and decides to run against him in the union election. Mary explains her problems to Mona McKenzie. Mary lies to Cathy that Mona is an old friend from high school who transferred away. Cathy discovers Steve in bed with Kate.
Mary, Martha, and Loretta plan Cathy's impromptu bridal shower while she's throwing her engagement ring back at Steve. A distraught Cathy arrives home, announces Steve's infidelity, and renounces men. Dennis drops by the Hartman kitchen and tells Mary that he still wants her and will wait for her, but when Cathy arrives, Dennis asks her to dinner.
Mary secretly phones Mona but can't talk. After her date with Dennis, Cathy's over Steve. Loretta has a new tune about Cathy's relationship with Steve called How Can You Say You Don't Love Me When You Never Could Talk At All? Clyde calls the Haggers with news that a royalty check is in the mail. Tom and George spar over union ideals at the plant. After hearing Baby Boy on the radio, Tiny offers to help Charlie get re-hired. Tom accuses Mary of meddling, and she accuses him of using sex to intimidate her into being a good girl. Mona phones Mary to arrange a meeting about sex therapy.
Mary is too busy preparing food products without food to care about Cathy's relationship with Dennis. Loretta receives a phone call from another Mrs. Haggers. Mona arrives at the Hartman house to carry out Mary's plan. Loretta confronts Charlie about his past.
Mary and Tom have a surrogate. Loretta gets a non-obscene phone call. Mary leaves Tom alone with Mona.
Charlie talks to Loretta about Muriel. Cathy and Dennis return from a night together. Loretta prepares for her predecessor.
Mrs. Haggers meets Mrs. Haggers. Sergeant Foley waits with Mary. Mary is shaking - and it's not from the cold. Charlie and Muriel remember things differently.
Mary is not nervous as Mona drops by. Cathy has no need to be jealous. Tom learns the wonders of performance anxiety.
Mary wonders about Tom's sudden burst of cooperativeness. Charlie tells Loretta the story of Muriel. Cathy has found the perfect man - again.
Mona has a perfect record - practically. Loretta and Mary tackle each other's problems and talk about "the scar!"
Loretta gives a farewell performance. Cathy plays hard-to-get and says yes to two dates.
Tom has some good news. Mary's not in touch with herself and witnesses the wounding of the Lackawanda Institute.
Martha confides in Mary and tells her about the ozone. Mary talks to Heather about love and slaps her in the face.
The Shumways are warned about Sergeant Foley from the one he loves. Mary tells of the meaning of STET and loses more than her arm. Muriel talks of Charlie's "base instincts."
Mary feels awful and Roberta says "great." Mary tells Dennis he must forget Cathy. Mary confides in Cathy, who hates her.
Mary wonders about international conspiracy and makes the morning meal. Cathy and Dennis play games. Mary gets a gift from Dennis, but has nothing to give him, except maybe one thing.
Mary can't get out of bed. Muriel gets breakfast from Loretta and an ultimatum from Charlie. Muriel's extortion scheme falls flat off her face.
Modern medicine triumphs. Mary thinks she feels great. Charlie and Loretta share another announcement. Muriel wants sympathy - and five thousand dollars.
Mary's breakfast is a failure. Loretta's career is a success. Mary attempts to save Cathy from a tragedy with a reading from TV Guide.
Sergeant Foley tries the two-timer two-step. Loretta warms up for her Hollywood debut. Charlie counts toes and ends up a father.
The Haggers say "hooray for Hollywood." Mary denies her sister's wedding day wish for the sake of cholesterol. Charlie makes plans for a VIP tour. Mary wonders if Loretta will forget.
Mary has hopes for Loretta's success. Mary's emergency is a job for Otto Feurenbach. Charlie and Loretta are in a room that's not green.
It's Loretta's big day on the Dinah show and all goes great until she commits a shocking blooper.
Loretta's TV coverage is more complete than expected. Mary really needs her doctor - so she gets put on hold. Martha makes a confession. Tom gets an unexpected escort.
Mary and Cathy are going crazy. Roberta has no need to scream when Dennis gives back the key. Sergeant Foley threatens to set a date, if Mary won't.
Mary urges Tom to read bumper stickers - for the sake of his family. Dennis invites Roberta to an open marriage. Mary calls the police, but doesn't want to get involved.
Charlie and Loretta return to Fernwood, but today is Thursday and Mary can't face her friend.
Charlie is excited - he was called a new name. Mary kisses Dennis and swears to it. Charlie and Loretta salute "President Timmy."
Mary returns home from the Italian cinema. Charlie explains the joys of parenthood. Tom gets an explosion out of "Pop." Sergeant Foley anticipates another undercover(s) assignment.
Cathy demands to know why Mary is wrecking her life. Charlie allows Muriel visitation hours. Cathy despairs for a future in Albuquerque.
Mary and Tom disagree - with the Bible. Muriel talks Clyde Muncie into waiting with the bad news. Charlie is off to the airport. Muriel says goodbye.
Dennis maneuvers himself into one more week. The Hartmans and Shumways find conflict in the kitchen. Charlie and Loretta find themselves at rock bottom.
Cathy discovers Mary's true interest in her marriage. Dennis wants Mary to be more honest. Mary tries to save herself with a story of vertical lifesaving.
Loretta gets a visitor with a "la la la" in the night. Mary takes a walk and explains her role as a kissee. Mary is sure Loretta won't understand.
Sergeant Foley talks his way into a family. Cathy is appeased. Mary makes an unfortunate slip of the tongue.
Cathy meets a new neighbor and plays cards to see her future. Loretta starts knocking on doors for the Lord. Tom comes to state his case - and takes a backseat to a Bicentennial bumpersticker.
Cathy buries the hatchet in Dennis' overflow. Mary is warned about blonde men and fools, then goes to the station again for the first time.
Mary forgets more than Heather's lunch. Howard informs Mary of Betty's unforeseen arrest. Martha hopes Tom will grow to accept imperfection.
Mary and Martha make their musical requests. Betty does her best to battle Mary's twelve compound. Ed and Howard have a "family" squabble.
Mary and Tom have a goodnight fight. Loretta gets a new sign, to Charlie's delight. Dennis' ratings are up, but he doesn't seem too happy.
Mary vows to put an end to something. Tom bowls alone and makes a friend. Charlie's good news waits for the "good news." Dennis complicates a "no" with the truth.
Tom is out of the overflow, but Mary is getting more than her share. Mary has someone new to trade troubles with. Tom and Dennis argue the needs of a wounded bird.
Grandpa offers some philosophy and gets a lift to the supermarket. Tom's dejection breeds rejection and Dennis' feelings come straight from the heart.
Mary's attention while ironing helps save a life. Tom and Cathy look for a fiancee and a wife. Mary is trying to get picked up.
Mary makes a confession, which Dennis is awake to hear. Cathy and Tom find the evidence (you don't need bandages for a heart attack). Mary gets help in return for the truth.
Tom says that it's different. Loretta makes a generous offer to Merle Jeeter. Misery gets company.
Mary has the hard truth for Heather. Heather has the hard questions for Mary. Sergeant Foley gets put in traction and straightens things out with Cathy. Tom's refuge is the scene for more fighting.
Mary vows to compose her thoughts, while Loretta cleans house for the Lord. Mary makes some important decisions and talks to Dennis of flexible straws and love.
Mary admits to a beautiful moment in one of the seven positions. Cathy's application to nunhood is rejected. Tom goes for a walk and gets some timely advice.
Charlie and Loretta turn on Fernwood 2 Night. Mary makes plans to cut out the middleman. Jimmy Joe Jeeter is on his father's knees. Mary goes to the clergy for comfort and ends up playing softball.
Loretta visits Mary with absolution and a new brand of floor cleaner. Howard and Ed disagree over plans for the future. Mary comes face-to-waist with the Reverend Jimmy Joe Jeeter.
Loretta entertains a dinner guest and gets a direct line to the Lord. Cathy has some church dealings of her own. Mary talks to Howard about the only sensible thing to do, then takes a journey through his childhood.
Mary can't see eye-to-eye with Loretta's child minister. Tom makes a dinner date for his 100th chicken fried steak. The Haggers have a surprise for the Hartmans.
Mary makes a phone call in search of a terrific answer. Cathy answers a call from "TV land." Loretta has a holy supper at the International House of Pancakes.
Tom gets a boost from his thermos. Mary tries helping herself by helping others. Martha finds out she didn't help her parents' marriage.
Mary gets a Help Line of her own. Cathy may become Fernwood's kitchen cookie. Martha begins her search for identity. Howard tries his hand at counseling Tom.
Mary has some pamphlets and Sergeant Foley has some ideas. Cathy is in something. Tom makes some decisions.
Mary finds out about the classics and some information about Howard and Ed. Cathy's conversion plans go up in holy smoke. Mary finally tells Dennis what he wants to hear.
Martha searches for her past in the palm of her hand. Cathy gets a new job and her first go-fer. Ed sets the record not-straight with Mary.
Tom agrees to some moral support. Mary practices some perfect discipline, but gets no good reasons from Dennis. Loretta's blessed recording session has one visitor too many.
Mary takes the day off from the Help Line. Sergeant Foley finds a spot with no poison ivy. Cathy gets some sunshine and goes out for just dinner. Dennis, Heather and Mary sing for their supper.
Merle Jeeter offers a solo spot to Loretta. Cathy holds no grudges and announces her new career. Tom asks Grandpa for the meaning of life. Howard gets some good news, then bad news, from Mary.
Still another couple appears to be splitting up. Cathy is encouraged to stick with her job. Tom and Ed make some other engagements.
Mary and Dennis talk of past, present, and future. Ed talks to Tom about being a jerk. Mary and Howard have sympathetic vibrations. Heather worries about being in the way of her mother's affairs.
Jimmy Joe Jeeter looks to Loretta for guidance. Clete talks about his favorite subject - himself. Mary is ravaged by Gasid indigestion of the head. Loretta must answer the call and meet Merle in his motel room.
Mary counts her disconnections. Roberta confronts Dennis about his responsibilities. Merle tells Loretta of his cheap ($1.75) and sinful ways.
Loretta makes a misprint in Billboard and is worried about her iffy chances. Tom has some good news, but Mary has to cancel. Mary interviews for the typical American consumer.
Dennis bares his soul, but he won't be able to leave. Cathy and Clete have an announcement for Frank. Ed's announcement bowls Tom right over.
Mary learns of Howard's latency and craves some popcorn and a Slurpee. Martha's pa meets Martha's pa. Tom returns home in a stupor.
Mary has a perfectly normal, ordinary, typical morning for national TV. Loretty saves a sinful soul and gets second billing. Mary's kitchen is out of sync.
Mary and Tom promise to start fresh. Grandpa Twelvetrees performs some miracle cures. Mary wants to help Tom - she kicks him out of the house.
Betty talks about straightening Howard out. One of Martha's left feet is Native American. Mary feels guilty about "helping" Tom. Jimmy Joe Jeeter is promised a new mother.
Betty wants Mary to open doors for the truth. Mary has water in her eighth house and may have Howard there, too. Cathy goes to be converted, but Father DeMarco can't do the job.
Mary gets a non-obscene call from David Susskind. Cathy tells Clete to have is own children. Ed takes a walk. The Help Line gets cut off and it's all Mary's fault.
Martha vows to squat for fishing rights. Howard says yes to living the truth. Loretta wants to expose herself in Chicago and Charlie says yes.
Tom slurs "good luck" to Mary. Mary browses with an eye to buy. Frank visits Cathy with something he just has to tell her. Martha returns to a tragedy with a tragedy.
Merle gets ready for Loretta's visit. Mary has a dream of what might have been and makes her live television debut.
Mary finds coping with life as "America's Typical Consumer Housewife" beyond her grasp. An incomparable performance in an unforgettable episode.
