ZDF Magazin Royale

Fans wish you all the best and good luck!

Markus Lanz, Carmen Nebel, Johannes B. Kerner, and Jo Schück! They all have one thing in common: true public broadcasting stars. To be inducted into the ZDF Hall of Fame, however, requires more than just belting out a catchy politician's song every now and then.

Become #specialheroes and laugh about it! Together with the German government.

Become #specialheroes and laugh about it! Together with the German government.

How not to behave in a personnel interview: arriving 11 minutes late, ranting, revealing too many private details, and making excuses upon excuses. Double jokes twice in a row are a real pain for internet nerds.

With so many unanswered questions about Wirecard, we too need help! Fortunately, three very dedicated, knowledgeable bloodhounds in the German Bundestag are providing relief in their search for answers. Fabio De Masi of the Left Party, Florian Toncar of the FDP, and Danyal Bayaz of the Greens are largely responsible for the nightmares that Finance Minister Olaf Scholz and Wirecard CEO Markus Braun have about Marsalek.

Did you know that ears are the only body part that grows throughout your life? If you suddenly can't get your mask over your ears tomorrow, you'll know why. Thank Jan Böhmermann later and first prick up your ears for the next personnel interview.

There is only one way to banish Jan Böhmermann's second-league demons: a three-day crash course with Markus Lanz, "How to be a ZDF presenter," a one-week etiquette workshop with Gudrun Nopper, aka Stuttgart's Melania Trump, and an organization seminar for inner balance with Marie Kondo.

Germany! Germany! Dark chapters in the past are our USP! So much was going on, you can't even binge that many documentaries on ZDFinfo. That's why Jan Böhmermann is meeting here in cyberspace with art historian and expert on looted art, Prof. Dr. Bénédicte Savoy.

"Lockdown girl, she's been living in a lockdown world." It's not just single parents who can hardly wait for the next lockdown; even the internet bohemian has a tie all the way to Meppen in her penultimate staff meeting of 2020.

4D What? Woodkid in the 4D studio in Grenoble, southern France. And the RTO Ehrenfeld here in Eau de Cologne, Germany. And everyone is together on ONE stage. How does that work? Via Zoom conference, or is there even Ehrlich Brother magic at play?

If there are dominoes, then it's Christmas! Ms. Dings from ZDF's HR department has done it and completed the last festive staff meeting with Internet Bohemia. After all, it was just the most terrible year of our lives.

The glass recycling bins are full of bargain cognac from the discount store, and the entire Smith family breathes a sigh of relief: Christmas is over! Normally, teenagers and Jackass hooligans are now eagerly anticipating the BANGS. Chinese firecrackers! Monster poppers! The Punisher battery-powered fireworks!

Dear parents, dear students, and dear teachers! Digitally and in a modern way, YouTube, under the pedagogical eye of Jan Böhmermann, provides parents with relief and prepares students for the serious business of life! The state of North Rhine-Westphalia's digital learning program offers 45 minutes of first-class support (also available on a continuous loop).

We're back, bitches! Because it's never been this hot. So hot that Christian Drosten fans are practically constantly aroused by so many different pandemic strategies. Everyone's just hanging out at home, playing Candy Crush, or leaving a huge ecological footprint with pointless Amazon orders.

Hello again for the first personnel interview in the best month of the year! After eight episodes of ZDF Magazin Royale, you'd think that internet Bohemians are slowly becoming compatible with the main program.

A show without an audience, lockdown isolation, and home office. As a global star from Vegesack, it's difficult for Jan to get genuine opinions, criticism, and requests from Tanja and the average consumer. The only solution: going undercover online. And in the best disguise since Detlef D! Soost on Undercover Boss: as himself.

As tidying guru Marie Kondo once said, "Get rid of things that no longer bring you joy." The day has now come for ZDF Magazin Royale to say goodbye to a long-standing, steadfast constant of the long-forgotten special interest show NEO Magazin Royale.

Winter warm-up for this Friday evening (sorry, spring is unfortunately still a no-go)! One-man multi-vocal version of GfK's No. 1 snow hit, "Winter." Turn up the autotune and get in the mood for ZDF Magazin Royale on Friday at 11 p.m.!

Georg Maier, Thuringia's Minister of the Interior, is our number one! Not only because he's not a Candy Crush addict and doesn't collect Tapsi Törtels, but because he gave us an interview about internal security.

After a month without satire, the public broadcasting beams on Lerchenberg are bending again. As a ZDF defluencer, Jan Böhmermann is doing what he does best: making things unpopular, complaining about gifts, and ranting.

Arnd Zeigler is not only the second most important Bremen resident in the world, after the Bremen Town Musicians, but also a true Hanseatic professional football insider. As a journalist and stadium announcer, he knows football fans as well as every blade of grass in Bremen's Weserstadion.

Austrian winter sports do what they please with nature: excavating glaciers, blasting mountains, and skiing in 20-degree weather. Yet the snow stays on the ground in Austria for 40 days less than it did 60 years ago.

Jan Böhmermann answers questions undercover on the Internet.

Alarm, alarm! After Jan has turned half of Germany against him in recent weeks, only ONE THING can help: a completely unironic duet with our German Beyoncé. Helene Fischer and Jan Böhmermann.

It's spring. Crocuses are blooming, emotions are igniting, and the most Christian of all holidays is just around the corner. Besides empty highways and greetings with rapid tests, the one reliable constant in this year's coronavirus Easter madness is the egg!

A colleague who's unreliable with his working hours, five months of broadcasting under coronavirus conditions, and NO audience. Namaste! Deep-seated blockages that urgently need to be resolved.

Finally, an expert on sand without a white beard, a staring stare, and a weird pointed cap. Kiran Pereira is an independent researcher and author who has been working on the international sand crisis for over ten years. Here in cyberspace, she explains to Jan Böhmermann how little we actually know about sand and why.

What is artistic freedom? Is it good? Is it bad? Jan Böhmermann is against it, Danger Dan is for it, and Igor Levit is a recipient of the Federal Cross of Merit; he couldn't care less anyway.

Small but so strong that it even holds a real 24-carat gold-framed rod on the wall! German Leitkultur isn't just found on the grill or in the kitchen drawer – the dowel is our secret star in the toolbox, because nothing holds our world together like this little guy behind the woodchip wallpaper!

Over the past 18 months, we've been lazy, shady, dirty, and tired, and with the Lieferando app on speed dial, we've racked up a serious sadness pound. That's over now. Summer is starting, time to get your body back in shape.

Go full throttle for the summer of openings and treat yourself to the fun part of the Summer Fitness Coaching. Anyone who made it through Part 1 without instant circulatory collapse or torn ligaments during the Sören Walk can now complete Part 2 of the workout without any irony.

The universe has decided to speak through Tjarn Börchenstein's mouth and venture a fearful glimpse into the future of our cosmic zodiac signs. In the public broadcaster's horoscope "ZDF Star Energy Royale," fiction becomes predetermined reality and convoluted fate becomes clear passion.

It's 35 degrees Celsius, the sweat is pouring, the grill is heating up, tempers are running high, and the folding table, covered with a practical acrylic-sealed tablecloth, is lavishly laid with pasta salad and Grandma's marble cake.

Dear sheep of the sun, moon, and stars, the unfathomable paths of fate have guided you to a new episode of ZDF's Star Energy Royale. The cosmos has called, and Tjarn Börchenstein has once again cast a deep gaze into the stars.

Screenshots are probably the most authentic insight into the minds of busy digital natives. So, to fill the gap during the rest of the summer break, we blackmailed our employees with their most embarrassing screenshots to get them to participate in "Screenshots Fired." It worked!

The powers of the infinite wisdom of the cosmos have called for the horoscopes to be read one last time through Tjarn Börchenstein's third eye. But no matter what the future holds, it brings one thing above all: the end of the summer break in September!

We know exactly what kind of screenshots you take! But don't panic, our authors Sebastian aka El Hotzo and Miguel Robitzky also know it. So there's still hope for your screenshot-weary souls. Screenshots Fired!

Cocoa and vanilla, light and shadow, black and white, East and West, balance and equilibrium, desire and satisfaction. No one brings together what belongs together quite like German marble cake.

Four months of mental preparation, ruined in a four-minute staff meeting with her favorite presenter, Jan Böhmermann. Despite a 112-day summer break at an aerial yoga retreat with a Zen garden, we're detecting slight signs of a strike in Ms. Dings from ZDF's HR department.

Whether it's a room door being flung open angrily or a draft coming through, in Germany there's only one thing that can protect doors and windows from a thunderous bang. It's the secret diva behind every German oak door and perfected social distancing long before the coronavirus pandemic: the doorstop.

Screenshots Fired – a feel-good online format with a personal touch or a ruthless shaming column? Not only the ZDF Magazin Royale team is taking screenshots faster than you can say "please," but fans of the satirical universe are also filling up their 48 GB of phone storage.

We're on a week-long break from ZDF Magazin Royale, and Jan is already back undercover on the internet. This time on eBay classifieds. It was a bit like Tinder, only without "It's a match."

The ZDF corporate culture is giving Jan Böhmermann a hard time. Structures, compliance, Mainzelmännchen (a kind of silly joke). Fortunately, to relieve stress, there's a little bit of human ZDF attention every month in the basement staff meeting room. This time, it's more intimate, open, and emotional than ever before.

Heat on, windows open, and snuggled up on the sofa with a steaming cup of cozy tea, a cozy sweater, and socks. When the leaves fall and the autumnal mood kicks in, we love to snuggle up at home. But what if you have to get out?

While all the early adopters are hanging out on TikTok, we prefer to go where the pearls of bad humor lie: in our writers' screenshot folders—inspiration from contemporary television and the home of all forgotten internet trends.

Brilliant new show ideas like "Wetten, dass..?" and the "Giovanni Zarrella Show" are achieving ratings peaks, and what are Jan Böhmermann and the ZDF Magazin Royale doing? Just a musical! Add to that the coronavirus comeback and a month without a staff meeting at Lerchenberg, and the sensitive culture lover is suddenly turning into a bitter, cynical media person. Bye-bye, good vibes!

Why should you hang out on the internet when "Hart aber fair" is on TV tonight? Our prediction for Monday, November 22, 2021: Hard but fair with the prospect of fairness! With the best guests since "Wetten, dass..?"!

Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. I like, I like, I like, I like. Desperate presenter, writing fanatic, influencer, fitness freak, and cat lover is looking for a talented top performer for gags and time together during the ZDF Magazin Royale winter break.

On a first date at Siggi's Almdorf at the Karlsruhe Christmas market, at Uncle Klausi's in the single-glazed winter garden, or at the Christmas party at a mid-range Italian restaurant - always there: the patio heater.

Dear politically minded community, Helmut Kohl is history, the traffic light system is on the right, and cherished traditions must be preserved. That's why ZDF Magazin Royale's "Freizeit" chief reporter, Miguel von Robitzky, has come up with a completely new trick to ensure you never forget the top personnel of the new federal government again.

Algorithms, misinformation, and the erosion of democracy by Facebook services. The Facebook Papers are long. And since we have unlimited airtime on the internet, Jan Böhmermann spoke in detail with former Facebook manager and whistleblower Frances Haugen about her favorite topic, Facebook.

Algorithms, misinformation, and the erosion of democracy by Facebook services. The Facebook Papers are long. And since we have unlimited airtime on the internet, Jan Böhmermann spoke in detail with former Facebook manager and whistleblower Frances Haugen about her favorite topic, Facebook.

Platform guy Jan Böhmermann is saying goodbye to the #zdfmagazin winter break. What's left: 1 meter of dominoes and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

For a five-euro deposit, so interchangeable yet irreplaceable. You are our lifebuoy in the human jungle known as the Christmas market. You are the cycle of things. You are pluralism. You are the most emotional chapter of German Leitkultur!

Join a Meeting! Personal Meeting ID: 891-261-3918 Hello—can anyone hear us? Hello?

eBay Classifieds: The freebie box for capitalists. We have five minutes of entertainment for you – FREE! New season, new studio, everything's sparkling. But the same old stuff is still rotting away in the warehouse.

We at ZDF Magazin Royale like to take a look at those up-and-comers. But there are still some people we haven't dared to tackle, even after eight years of hard-hitting satire. Until now! Our new colleague Jannika delves into the depths of children's afternoon programming.

An unusual program, but, as usual, too little airtime! We spoke with political scientist Lyudmyla Melnyk from the Institute for European Politics about the current situation in Ukraine and our democratic future.

Money, money, money! That's what we were really after when we sold "Freizeit Magazin Royale." About a year ago, we launched Germany's only true gossip magazine to explore the question: Can you achieve incredible circulation figures and untold wealth with scandalous headlines and half-baked, half-baked knowledge?

Porn and ethics. Film producer and pornographer Paulita Pappel demonstrates that these topics can be reconciled. In our conversation with her, we discussed the potential of ethically produced porn and why the social and political taboo surrounding pornography must end.

Fresh out of quarantine and full of social energy. And what do you want? Obviously, to make new contacts with strangers (?) within a 10-km radius. But after the moderate success in finding love on Tinder, a change of strategy is needed. Will Jan be better received by innocent first-year teachers at the student feel-good oasis JODEL?

What the f*ck is actually going on in Hungary? We don't really have a clue, but Szabolcs Panyi does. The Hungarian investigative journalist from the research platform Direkt 36 spoke in an interview about the parliamentary elections and the situation in Hungary surrounding Viktor Orbán's autocracy.

Finally home! The move to the new office is complete, but Ms. Dings from ZDF's human resources department can't inspect the swanky building in Ehrenfeld in person for the time being. The reason: a coronavirus infection from the wild ZDF rave on Lerchenberg.

Investigative to the point: That's the motto of "Eggs of Steel: Kids." At first glance, Bernhard Blocksberg appears to be a bourgeois bore. But upon closer inspection, he's actually a bourgeois bore who lives with two witches.

Please stay on the line, the next available representative will be with you! Jan played a bit of a call center, because everyone at the Ehrenfeld 24/7 hotline is on call at some point. During the lively conversations, some very hot topics were touched upon: Is spray paint really an appropriate patina?

Let's talk about WAR. There is a war of aggression going on in Europe and the world is faced with the challenge of how to behave. Who should we root for? What can we do as long as we're (still) spectators?

"Here I am human, here I'm allowed to be" – that's Jan's Tinder motto. Instead of jaded media people, at least Tinder has people who laugh at innocent history jokes. But the safe space crumbles when Jan falls victim to an unmatch... Thoughts & Prayers!

The Bohemian region you knew no longer exists. It was a fantastic time with you. Two months full of crazy action, insane projects, and above all: friendship. Thank you to you as a community for going down this path with the amazing team around Jan, Daniel, Jenny, and Benno.

Sure, parents always think their own child is the best. But it gets really annoying when these children are also incredibly self-confident. One of them is Conni, the main character from the Conni booklets, which you think are free (unfortunately, they're not; you actually get banned from the school if you don't pay for them!).

We had a simple dream: A music show without Oliver Geissen and without Mundstuhl in the green box reading trivia facts about the Scorpions. Voila, here is the first episode of Menderes' Musikbox, the world's only game show featuring Menderes AND the Ehrenfeld Radio Dance Orchestra.

You know the feeling. Conversations at rooftop parties and iconic cocktail receptions, you're chatting, and suddenly there's a funny quote, a witty meme, and no one knows where it came from. Annoying! In the ZDF Magazin Royale Potential Analysis, our authors have to demonstrate their internet knowledge.

For a good musical show, you really only need three things: Menderes, an entire orchestra, and a bunch of instruments that look like they could be pulled out of a coin-operated machine at the fair. As it happens, we have all of those things here. Welcome to round 2 of Menderes' Music Box.

In spontaneous potential analyses, our authors must prove they've still got the meme and quote thing down. New to the internet? Anyone who gets it wrong three times must attend a social media training session with Kai Pflaume.

Finale oooh oh! Two teams from the Ehrenfeld Radio Dance Orchestra compete against each other one last time. It's a matter of the ultimate victory or bitter defeat in Germany's only music show without a countdown – on Menderes' Musikbox.

On a personal note: At the start of the season, we would like to thank all our more or less voluntary donors who made it possible for us to transform Studio Ehrenfeld into a proper (one could even say "swanky") work-life balance temple over the summer months.

Did Robert Habeck really eat his cereal out of the toilet bowl? And what was the second line of the "Steuer" song again? Jan and the authors have to demonstrate their knowledge of the "internet classic" in a final potential analysis.

Jan is finally back in chat—today on Discord and briefly on ICQ. The only problem: The Discord community is still asleep or stoned at lunchtime, and ICQ has become somewhat strange. Despite initial difficulties, there were still some instructive encounters on the World Wide Web. It was definitely worth it again. AFK

Fiesmeier, Hemdglunki, and Klaasohm aren't Pokémon, but local traditions. The topic of the current issue of the Ehrenfeld hotline's service line: customs, practices, rituals. The lines were buzzing, and Jan chatted patiently with callers for eight hours without a break.

Things have been a bit quiet on the Twitch channel lately. Sorry guys, I've just been a bit busy, and sometimes you have to take care of a few things that have nothing to do with Twitch.

We live in times where people are more concerned about their ecological footprint. Straws are no longer plastic, toothbrushes are wooden, and people are happy to forgo short-haul flights to Munich for a long weekend—for the sake of the environment.

Before the show, it's the usual routine: one last coffee, a dusting of powder, one last cheese fondue, and a quick check for bad breath. And, of course, a quick COVID test. Jan and @TheOfficialDJBoBo have to wait for their results together.

Get your notebooks out, it's classwork! At irregular intervals, Jan and the authors are quizzed unannounced about their current meme and quote know-how. In the "Who Said It?" section, they compete against each other and must prove that they're not yet past their prime when it comes to internet knowledge.

Ouch! A call from ZDF after the last program on public broadcasting. Jan has to go to the HR department and answer questions. And it's not that long until the end-of-year meeting.

When it comes to the coronavirus test, we're all the same. Even our men in Hollywood, Bill and Tom, have to go through it. But it wouldn't be so bad if Jan hadn't interrupted them while they toasted champagne.

See how the tables have turned! After all these years, Jan needs Ms. Dings's help. The reason: He wants to make it big, and internationally! Unique freestyle and a raised eyebrow are no longer enough; a new identity is needed.

"The mood is really not good right now," says Souad Lamroubal in an interview. He is referring to the mood in the immigration authorities. Lamroubal is a lecturer, author, and municipal official in an immigration authority.

Mrs. Dings is closing the deal. It's the last staff meeting of the year. But the meeting with Jan isn't off to a good start. The fact that, according to a survey by the Hamburg tabloid ZEIT, a whopping 66 percent of Germans don't find the presenter Jan Böhmermann funny hasn't escaped Mrs. Dings either.

Murder! Or manslaughter? A person has died at the Interior Ministers' Conference. It's unfortunate, because such a conference is always an event with snacks and champagne, but now this gruesome act overshadows the proceedings.

As 2022 draws to a well-deserved close, our authors are being hermetically sealed and put into cryogenic sleep. As soon as the first crocuses bloom, they'll be thawed. Until then, you can watch the "Who Said It?" 2022 Year in Review on a continuous loop.

As I said, there should be a bit more happening on my channel in 2023. The whole thing with the government and taxes is off the table, friends. I've been streaming a bit again, it's coming around.

Labor law? Not with him! Ever since Bob the Builder gave up carbohydrates after 5 p.m. and beer, he's become slimmer and more ruthless. The once likeable, everyday hard worker is now a rational capitalist.

The ZDF Magazin Royale presents "Ehrenfeld Intergalactic." Jan Böhmermann and the Ehrenfeld Radio Dance Orchestra invite you to a unique political song recital.

Reality check for Jan Böhmermann! After a thrilling tour with the Ehrenfeld Radio Dance Orchestra through the German-speaking region (DACH) region, life is back to normal at Studio Ehrenfeld. Instead of standing ovations, there are queues at the coffee machine, and canapés backstage have once again become leftover pretzel sticks in the cracks in the sofa. The machines are running because Lionel Rauxel, the mastermind behind the "Böhmermann" brand, is breathing down the neck of the entire team. So now a quick wipe down and a quick send-off for the writers to the hairdresser, and then we can get started.

Caution is the mother of all virtues, even if the pandemic is fading like an 80s pop song. So, I quickly push the test stick up to just before the brain mass and then wait another fifteen minutes. Me-time for Jan in his stressful daily routine, between presenting and hardware store openings. Or not, because in the waiting room he runs into Porky and Philipp from Deichkind. And since his small-talk skills have become a bit rusty during the pandemic, it's time (once again) for the emergency questions.

The first staff review meeting of 2023 is coming up, and Ms. Dings has come up with some great ideas to improve the working atmosphere in the future. But the only thing on Jan's mind is White Lotus. And unlike his colleagues Markus Lanz and Horst Lichter, he has mixed feelings about ZDF.

Like the entire ARD pre-evening program, it's time for a quiz. In the popular "Who Said It" section, our writers are allowed (or required) to answer questions about memes, trends, and quotes. Everything from P for pop culture to L for Lanz. Knowledge of English is assumed. In some subject areas, massive gaps in knowledge emerge... Anyone who gets it wrong more than three times has to ride through Ehrenfeld on a blind donkey.

Naturally, the opinion of our valued audience is important to us. Were all their wishes fulfilled? What was there to discuss? After each ZDF Magazin Royale broadcast, the studio audience can give their feedback: How did they like it? Was it fantastic? Superb? Or just brilliant? Was the warm-up hot enough? Did Jan's suit have a sufficiently high viscose content? Are there really as many rats in the studio toilets as everyone says? We want to know everything. After all, television is primarily work for the viewers.

Finally a stream again, I'm so grateful. I got banned from Twitch because these pissants keep reporting me, filthy. Be sure to keep up with my Instagram stories.

Do you have a relative you're thinking, "Hey, he won't be around much longer?" That's where the personalized urns from the ZDF shop come in. Avoid awkward situations and discuss the urn motif before it's too late!

Jan has a big problem: He's still deeply stuck in his business coach mindset. And the feedback from the last few shows has been better. And Jan HATES feedback and performance reviews.

He's the most powerful 10-year-old in children's programming: Ryder, the leader of the PAW Patrol. No one else owns so many vehicles at once and has six puppies under his control. Above all, Ryder is ruthless when it comes to marketing his overbred puppies. There's no product that isn't adorned with his dogs' faces. A case for child welfare!

After our breakfast prayer, we were in the mood for a little guessing and riddle fun. The concept is as simple as it is ingenious: Jan and various ZDF Magazin Royale authors unravel quotes from the world of stars, starlets, and memes. In addition to voice cracks and witch burnings, this issue also features interviews with athletes. By the end, you're probably asking yourself, "What was the reason?"

Your OG JB is back. Besides, the chair was already warm, and JB is pulling it off, I promise. The opportunity for a new, dope stream with the usual swag. This time with some lousy bitch moves from the police, but it's got to be fun.

At ZDF Magazin Royale, we thrive on mutual trust and a productive feedback culture. That's why we're interested in the audience's opinion after the show. How was it? Did we deliver, or was it just okay (again)? What have you always wanted to say to Jan Böhmermann? Whether it's a bidet instead of toilet paper or Sky du Mont, we want to know.

There are some nasty main character vibes here, from Heidi's supposed bro Klara. Klara manipulates those around her with great poise, self-assurance, and professionalism, making power dynamics clear. But shouldn't she be our superhero alongside Heidi and Peter?

It's hailing. No rain, but questions for the expert on nobility: the fantastic Baron Steffen Glamour von Bickendorf – unrivaled, like the last Pringle in a can. Because when it comes to expert on nobility, there's no getting around him. Today, however, we just want to chat with him privately.

We did it again. No, we didn't listen to Sasha too loudly on Sundays, but instead asked our esteemed studio audience for their opinion. Our viewers rated the show selectively, situationally, and hopefully also subjectively.

It's summer in the Ehrenfeld studio. The air is filled with the gentle scent of sunscreen, mosquito repellent, and urine. Our presenter's shirt button placket unbuttons with breathtaking speed. A spectacle of nature otherwise only seen with Robert Habeck.

Rules are necessary in a society, no question. Otherwise, an elephant would fly through the air, and the Greens would be in favor of arms deliveries... But when rules become prohibitions, I quickly get a stomachache. With diarrhea.

After a long break from dating, Jan is back on Tinder. Based on the encounters he's had, it's likely his last for a while. After all, tight socks, tantric massages from older men, and asparagus with swordfish fillet and potatoes aren't necessarily everyone's cup of tea. But we're not judging...

SORRY, GUYS! My loyal friends know that I spend every summer on Koh Samui, taking a creative break. That's why I haven't posted anything for so long. I've also been busy with the official JB Energy Drink, which is launching soon.

Isolated, in the middle of the arid wilderness in the hostile Cologne-Bickendorf district, lies the Ehrenfeld studio. Shielded from the public eye, a team of specialists is working on a highly explosive broadcast.

Tanned to the smallest pore and adorned with a shark-shaped bracelet, she heads to her first staff meeting after the summer break. But contrary to her expectations, Ms. Dings quickly discovers: compensation, Harald Schmidt, Hubert Aiwanger, and the CDU.

Hey friends, what's up? Sorry, it's been a bit quiet here again. I was getting ready for the new Season 7 vs. Wild. But now I'm back in the game. I really missed my Bohemian army haha. Today I'm watching a 90-minute Smaland report on lock.

My dears, despite being named Playboy Man of the Year 2022, Jan remains down-to-earth! He's just really interested in what all of you out there think of us? For Jan, you're not ratings or clicks, but colorfully written pieces of paper.

He's the hero in red. Children love him, parents wink when they hear the theme song: It's about Fireman Sam. The wrinkle-free fire extinguisher with the strong chin is a true hero. At least, if you can believe the narrative in the series named after him.

Predator attack during a staff meeting? What's going on at ZDF? Jan is particularly in a tizzy today, and even a stress ball and lukewarm fennel tea aren't helping. Mr. Böhmermann gasps when he imagines Barbara Schöneberger with a mustache, and the suggestion of being part of an episode of "Verstehen Sie Spaß" (The German version of "Verstehen Sie Spaß") is the last straw for him.

Jan Böhmermann? He doesn't know anything about him personally. Nevertheless, Jan is a huge fan. Today we chat privately with the cult right-wing extremist Christopherus Töppel, discussing the latest gossip from the scene and which politicians make his animal-loving heart beat faster.

At regular intervals, Jan sits down in the living room of his private guest bungalow and devotes himself to the feedback of the people for whom he appears in front of the camera every week: No, not the ZDF management, but the audience.

Hey, I have to start with a small apology. Sorry I was offline for a while this time, but my new gaming PC is finally up and running! I talked a bit about Thomas Gottschalk and his "Wetten Dass" (Wetten That's Coming) show – it's going to be very dangerous again. I binge-watched the hundredth episode – how many times does he want to go? He's a terrible flirt.

When he heard that a rat had been seen in our canteen, Günter Wallraff immediately hopped on his bike and rode to the Ehrenfeld studio. Then, for the first time in many years, it was time for Jan to listen. As a longtime journalist, Wallraff has experienced numerous threats and lawsuits. The 81-year-old has won numerous awards for his investigative reporting and social commitment. A life dedicated to press freedom. In an interview with Jan, he spoke about his disputes with the Bild newspaper, the challenges of his career as an investigative journalist, and the most spectacular investigations of his career.

The penultimate meeting with Ms. Dings. A recap of the past few weeks. And, of course, there's one topic that can't be avoided: "Wetten dass...?" Jan looks back on the Gottschalk era with mixed feelings. In this rather balanced staff meeting, Jan also provides some clarification about his "real" fandom.

It's gotten cold, so put on your wool socks. Find out why Jan easily beats kangaroos at Scrabble and why a fish named Bertram will soon be swimming in our office in our feedback box. Thank you in advance – your feedback is as good as a warm shower!

Maybe it's the pre-Christmas spirit, or maybe it's the male sickness cover from ZDF – because: a staff meeting has never been so harmonious! Men can just chill out a bit and chat about work, Jan's Harley, and Marvel in a less stiff way than usual!

I'm back to the nitpicking game. Some idiots keep reporting me on Twitch, so I'm back here again... It's so annoying, duh! Be sure to check out my Instagram stories so you don't miss anything! Hade!

Red is a natural warning color, and according to the latest research by our young journalist Jannika, it's perfectly justified! Because Papa Smurf isn't as loving a family man as everyone thinks.

It's a long-kept secret: Four animals were the authors of the German Basic Law. The ZDF Magazin Royale sheds new light on the true story behind its creation.

Although Ms. Dings intends to approach the first personnel review of 2024 with positive energy, the mood could hardly be more tense. After the ZDF salaries were announced, Jan Böhmermann finds it difficult to restrain his irascible outbursts toward his esteemed colleagues.

How are you? Did you sleep well? How's the art coming? These are the questions Jan likes to bombard his employees with over the coffee machine. The answers, however, should be recorded on recycled paper for posterity. As the sole owner of ZMR GmbH, Jan has to face feedback from his own employees this time.

Hey everyone, I'm finally back. I had to sort out a few things regarding the cans – a few new varieties will be coming soon. I'm also working on a new thing; I'll be able to tell you more soon. Check out my Insta story in the next few days!

Spring is knocking on the door, and Jan's nose is tingling more than Olaf Scholz's. Cheers, Mr. Chancellor! Despite the fresh spring fever, Jan has to face another staff meeting. A bit of acrobatics here, a few surveillance measures there; Ms. Thing and Jan won't be #besties in this interview either.

Basketball, online banking, green Balisto – how well does Jan really know his employees? In this feedback session, Jan uses his multifunctional tube scarf to protect himself from nasty insiders and active sycophants. Why exactly is Carlos a Tasmanian devil? What's the deal with the London scandal? Interesting questions, cryptic answers.

I watched this wild Eurovision Song Contest pre-selection like a hobby-less person. Böhmiarmy knows it's mostly delicious, sleazy black metal, but I watched the NPC contest anyway. Things are a bit quieter on Twitch and my Instagram right now; they're working on a big launch.

The Minions are extremely popular with children and boomers alike. While some enjoy the cartoons and merchandise, the over-50s passionately post sayings like "No coffee — no me" with a funny Minion in their WhatsApp stories.

Moving, watering plants, making tea. Sure, it's a bit annoying, but at the end of the day, we all like to help our friends! But what happens if, because of a friend, you suddenly find yourself running away from sharks, fighting monkeys, or spending 24/7 isolated in your room?

The first staff interview after the summer break is coming up, and a lot has built up on ZDF's side. Mrs. Dings is desperate to be included in the TV awards and is trying to finally awaken the presenter's interest in the supernatural.

At some point, we woke up and realized: Everything is political! Which car do you drive? Do you buy sausage made from pressed pork or pressed soy? Do you publicly support Dieter Bohlen or Thomas Anders?

Duty is duty, and schnapps is schnapps. But the mulled wine offered by ZDF HR manager Ms. Dings is declined by consummate professional Jan Böhmermann. Even though the mood at the last personnel meeting of the year has a Christmassy feel, the most important thing to discuss is the serious cases from the last season of ZDF Magazin Royale.

We're taking a little trip back in time with "Eggs of Steel KIDS." Back to a TV era when children's shows were still created with silhouette animation. Well, which millennials will resonate with that?

It was actually long overdue to take a closer look at this bright red friend from the deep sea. In the current issue of "Eggs of Steel KIDS," we take a closer look at the talking crab Eugene Krabs.

New year, new problems. Mr. Müller is stepping in for Mrs. Things, who has sprained her ankle, and after months on tour with the RTO, Jan isn't exactly in top form for the executive suite. To mentally prepare, he had a few Moulin Kölsch beers, and with a slight slant, toxic compliments are much easier to deliver.

In an interview on microtargeting, expert Dr. Simon Kruschinski explains how dangerous targeted advertising can be for democratic participation. What happens when election campaigns are conducted on platforms owned by super-rich tech bros?

In Ms. Dings's brand-new office, Jan has to put up with a few questions about his e-scooter tour. ZDF receives fines every day because Jan considers the German Road Traffic Act (StVO) to be "well-intentioned advice."